Dealing with Difficult People, Conflict & Establishing Respect in the Workplace
John Redden, LPC-MHSP
Laura White, LPC, CEAP
Objectives of the Training
Develop an understanding of various conflict issues including
Difficult People
Conflict Issues
Respect in the Workplace
Slide 1
“Anger is a poison that harms the vessel it is riding in more than anyone else.” Gandhi
Slide 2
Defining Difficult People
Anyone who does not agree with me
Anyone who I do not agree with
People with hidden agendas
People with exposed agendas
Slide 3
Defining Difficult People
When egos clash
When the mission is unclear
When your mission is threatening
Slide 4
Defining Difficult People
When egos clash
When the mission is unclear
When your mission is threatening
Slide 5
Coping with Hostile-Aggressives
“I am abusive and intimidating; my tone is arrogant.” “I come out charging; am abusive; abrupt; demanding and brutally critical.”
Coping Tasks
Avoid a head on fight
Stand up for yourself – use the broken record technique
Give them time to run down – the fogging technique
Speak from your own point of view. Use self-assertive words, i.e. “in my opinion ... "I disagree with you ... "
Slide 6
Coping with The Passive
“I will answer yes, no or maybe just grunt. I never offer ideas or let you know where they stand.”
Coping Tasks
Ask open ended questions using a friendly, silent stare
Don't fill the space by ending the silence and beginning to talk
Comment on the process (what's happening)
Draw them out encouraging their influence
Slide 7
Coping with The YES People
“I am outgoing, sociable and want people to like me. I agree to any commitment yet rarely deliver. You can’t trust me to follow through.”
Coping Tasks.
Make honesty non threatening
Don't allow YES people to make unrealistic commitments
Set realistic boundaries
Empower them to set realistic boundaries
Help them see the consequences of their negative actions and positive change
Slide 8
Coping with The Manipulators
“I will take advantage of and use any situation for my benefit, even if it hurts you. I will use any opportunity to take credit for your ideas or in order to look good will try to make you look bad.”
Coping Tasks
If you recognize the ways in which you're being manipulated, prepare in advance for each situation.
Set flexible, healthy boundaries
Use the broken record technique
Keep them honest
Advanced: Take them literally
Slide 9
Coping with Self Pitiers
“ Why does EVERYTHING happen to me? I enjoy being miserable and feeding off the attention given.”
Coping Tasks
Don't always rush in with advice
Encourage him/her to take responsibility for his/her own actions by asking, "What do you think you should do?"
Try to steer the conversation away from his problems
(Boundaries) See less of her if she drains your own emotional resources
Slide 10
Generalize these Tasks for More Effective Coping
Assess the situation
Stop wishing the difficult person were different
Spend more time with them getting to know them, thereby, socializing them
Formulate & implement a coping plan
Avoid working this out in a vacuum
Monitor the effectiveness of your coping strategy, modifying it when needed
Slide 11
Conflict in the Workplace
Effects of Conflict in the Workplace
The effects of conflict in the workplace are widespread and costly.
Its prevalence, as indicated by three serious studies, shows that from 24-60% of management time and energy is spent dealing with anger.
This leads to decreased productivity, increased stress among employees, hampered performance, high turnover rate, absenteeism and at its worst, violence and death.
Slide 12
Common Sources of Conflict
1. Unclear definition of responsibility — there will be numerous occasions for conflict to arise over decisions made or actions taken in disputed territory.
2. Limited resources — time, money, space, materials, supplies, and equipment are all valuable resources. Competition for any of these resources will inevitably lead to interpersonal and interdepartmental conflict.
3. Conflict of interest — individuals may fight for their personal goals and lose sight of organizational goals. Each individual needs to know how his or her personal goals and efforts fit within the organizational goals and efforts
Slide 13
The Basic Components of Conflict
Two or more persons are involved
There is a perceived incompatibility between ideas, actions, beliefs, or goals
The opposing sides see their way as the only way to achieve their goals and objectives
Slide 14
Resolving Workplace Conflict -
“Low trust is the great hidden tax.” Steven Covey,
Slide 15
Resolving Workplace Conflict
Four specific steps managers can take to reduce workplace conflict.
1. Managers must look at communication skills, both in terms of how they communicate and how they’re teaching their employees to communicate with each other. Also, managers must beef up listening skills.
Slide 16
Four specific steps managers can take to reduce workplace conflict.
2. Managers must establish healthy boundaries. Being professional, empathic and compassionate toward your employees, without being their friend.
Slide 17
Resolving Workplace Conflict
Four specific steps managers can take to reduce workplace conflict.
3. Developing your EQ or ‘emotional intelligence.’ This includes managers understanding of employees and their understanding of managers.
Slide 18
Resolving Workplace Conflict
Four specific steps managers can take to reduce workplace conflict.
4. Set up behavioral consequences to be used with truly uncooperative employees who are unwilling to change. This can be accomplished by working within a greater positive (goal directed) influential structure in the workplace. Consequences (both positive & negative) must be clearly explained and consistently upheld in a non-threatening manner. {Actually, this is good for everyone, the unwilling are in their own way}
Allow anger in the workplace as a positive motivator.
Slide 19
Respect in the Workplace
“Anytime you think the problem is out there, that thought is the problem.” Steven Covey,
Slide 20
Respect in the Workplace
The Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
or
The Platinum Rule - Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
Which is the higher calling for respect in the workplace?
Slide 21
Establishing Respect in the Workplace
1. Politeness always! Always treat people with courtesy, politeness, kindness and ultimately how they would like to be treated
2. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood. Listen to what others have to say before expressing your viewpoint
3. Edit out responses and focus on the learning posture. Never butt in or talk over another person
4. Help others to find their voice. Encourage others to express their opinions and ideas
Grow to the ultimate true level, interdependency, achieving a level you could not achieve alone. Improve your work by using others ideas and credit them for their ideas
6. Celebrate victories and people will learn to repeat them. Never put people down, disparage them, call them names or insult them
7. Microinequities may be small, but they pose a major issue for businesses today. Left unchecked, they accumulate & drag productivity, corporate culture, and, ultimately a company’s ability to keep top talent. Brigid Moynahan, Do not belittle, criticize little things, demean or patronize others. A series of small comments over time can amount to bullying
Empathic delegation, bridge building. If you would prefer not to do a task, chances are neither would your co-worker. Share the load.
9. Respect each others leadership. Regardless of race, religion, gender, age or other orientation always treat people equally.
10. If you are an ‘Old Boy’ be sure to abandon that network. The pendulum might just swing the other way. Ensure that your workplace maintains an equal opportunity policy and that you are familiar with it.
Slide 22
Establishing Respect in the Workplace
The new graduates are members of the self-esteem generation; recognize this to build productivity and longevity. Ensure that praise, recognition and appreciation is abundant in your workplace.
Slide 23
Respect in the Workplace Summary
The professional’s respect building response
S.T.O.P. the automatic response & Proceed with C.A.L.M.
Slow down Clear communication
Think Ask questions
Options Listen
Proceed Monitor